Gordon - My Life

(Illegal) Music Downloads

2006-11-03T23:13:00.000+08:00

It's time I weighed in on the P2P debate.

Recently, I purchased an album put out by EMI. The artist in question is not important, suffice to say that I like this artist very much. I'm talking about the kind of "liking" where you think that if you knew the person, you would be best friends. Anyway, I'm a really sucker for album sleeves, especially the bit at the end where the artist goes through a list of names of people that they would like to thank. Sometimes they throw in a little something extra - you know, like a poem. My most recent purchase had no poem. It had something else:

Thank you for buying this music. This recording and artwork are protected by copyright law. Using internet services to distribute copyrighted music, giving away illegal copies of discs or lending discs to others for them to copy is illegal and does not support those involved in making this piece of music - especially the artist. By carrying out any of these action it has the same effect as stealing music.

What!?

When I first read that, it was late and I was tired. It took me by surprise. I thought I knew this person. How could he think that? I pictured that puppet from N.E.R.D. Surely, he's nothing like that guy! After rereading that passage, I became suspicious. After a little research I was able to confirm that the words were not his own. Well, to be fair, six of them were. Can you guess which? I'll tell you: "Thank You for buying this music."

Slotted in neatly after the artists comments is this act of commerical ventriloquism: The EMI anti-piracy statement. A little background...

I discovered this artist listed on Pitchfork's Best New Music 2005. I'd heard one of his tracks and thought the album warranted a listen. So I went out and bought it. Actually, no, I didn't do that. I downloaded it, and fell in love with it. I added it to my "Must Buy" list and a couple of months later, when I was out CD shopping I asked if it was in stock. Unforunately, it wasn't. Can you order it in for me please? Sure, but it will take 3 months. I paused, and replied, "Sure."

What I'm trying to say is that the only reason I have the CD next to me today is because I "stole" it from the internet and later decided that it was worthy of a purchase. Perhaps you would like to draw an analogy? Something like, "Would you steal a car and later return to the store to buy it?" Well of course I wouldn't. I would be arrested for stealing a car. Music is nothing like a car, but lets work with it. "Would you buy a car without trying it out?"

I am in that category of people who download albums because they want to take them for a test drive. A month long test drive, at least. If I like an album, I'll buy it. I promise. If I don't like it, then I'm sorry, but you don't get your money, better luck next time. And no, I will not necessarily delete it if I decide that I don't like it. Obviously if I hate it isn't going to hang around. But when it comes to those so-so albums, who knows, maybe after another month I'll decide that I actually do like the album and the record company (and artist) will end up getting their money after all.

Sure, some people don't have the same policy of honesty. They download music without the intent to buy. Look at it this way, if they had to pay for it - they probably wouldn't.

The Lost Dialogue of Lost

2006-10-24T12:20:00.001+08:00

As you may well know, I like to tackle the big issues. The important stuff. Tonight's topic is Lost.

I've been a big fan of Lost since a colleague provided me with commerical-free rips of the first season. It took me all of a weekend to burn through those. The first season was really terrific stuff. The way back-stories were made to tie into what was happening on the island was consistently novel and unexpected. The second season, on the otherhand, dragged on. It was a chore. The excitment of another episode coming out began to lessen as the expectation that "nothing was really going to happen" increased. And most often, "nothing" is exactly what happened.

Even more frustrating than witnessing nothing happen is witnessing nothing being said. Take for example the exchange between Jack and Desmond. When Jack asks Desmond if he has considered the possibly that the hatch button does nothing, Desmond replies, "every day." In the Season 2 finale, however, we learn that what Desmond should have said is, "well, I did for a while, until this one day when I was out killing Kelvin, (I'll get back to that one) and didn't manage to get back to the hatch in time to press it and the computer was saying SYSTEM FAILURE over and over and everything made of metal was flyin' all over the place and I thought I was doomed so I pressed the button and everything got better. Oh and don't forget about the failsafe. Brother."

As for my patience with the show, we'll have to wait and see what happens/gets revealed this season. The most recent episode evoked a lot of that Season 1 excitement for me, mostly due to the reappearance of an old character. Not all hope is lost just yet.

The Thing About Opinions Is...

2006-08-28T12:10:00.000+08:00

There are many and they are varied,
but only mine is right.

So what's been happening lately

2005-12-14T12:49:00.000+08:00

Right then, let me compose myself.

Recently, I broke up with Candice, explaining my recent exile. It's about time anyway, she was what common folk refer to as ugly and inner beauty only counts for so much.

I've been spending some time, finding myself. It seems that bits of me mostly enjoy hiding out in dark alleys and the like. I'd probably prefer that those parts stay lost to be honest. No, I'm not sure what I mean either.

I've started to learn to play the guitar again - a hobby that was put on hold for the Banshee. It wasn't that she minded the playing, it was the praciticing that got up her (big) nose. Cow. I guess if you're content to be mediocre at everything then practicing might be something of a foreign concept.

Attention World of Warcraft players!

2005-09-28T01:27:00.000+08:00

Please tell me more about your stupid make believe characters and the inane mythical claptrap you force them to partake in!

Even though I have absolutely no knowledge of the game (and you are perfectly aware of this) I would like you to berate me endlessly with needlessly detailed and lengthy tales on how you obtained your latest magical item, or defeated some idiotically named monster with the assistance of other morons stupid enough to pay Blizzard for the privilege of using their life vacuum.

Fascinating stuff. I JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH.

Group Projects

2005-09-22T19:09:00.000+08:00

Throughout my many years at university, I was required to partake in a few 'group' projects. This variety of project is not dissimilar to a regular project though it does differ in two distinct ways:

1. You have to regularly meet with an assortment of losers,
2. These losers will get your mark for free.

Despite my highest hopes at the start of each project, "These guys seem dedicated... This time it will be different..." the project always seems to pan out terribly. Each time, the lecturer will express the amount of work required by the project as a justification for making it a group one. Mark my words, the size of the group is proportionate to the amount of work you will have to do... alone.

So often did I have to sit through explainations of how managing a university project team would somehow teach me about real world project teams. Utter nonsense. In the real world people are paid to work on a project. Get that? Paid! Payment acts as an incentive to work. No work = No Money. University project team members have no incentive to do work. In fact, quite the opposite. If they don't do the work, someone else will. That simple.

I'm angry now. Bye.

The 5 Steps to Success

2005-08-10T00:03:00.000+08:00

1. Always maintain a professional demeanor

If you don't know what anyone is talking about, fake it. Furrowing your brow and shaking your head will communicate to others that you're on top of the situation.

2. Keep lots of crap in your cubicle

Successful people have lots of crap. Posters and circuit diagrams are a good start. Books on philosophy score bonus success points.

3. Never be available

In order to be successful, you have to be elusive. Wandering into meetings late is a must. As a general rule, never give an individual more than 5 minutes of your time. After such a time, it is important to excuse yourself politely, and rush off in a random direction. This rule applies irrespective of the authority of the individual.

4. Carry a laptop

What kind of person would need a computer that can be carried around? A sucessful person!

5. Disrespect your superiors

This, my soon-to-be-successful friend, is the golden rule. Showing respect to your superiors reinforces their opinion that you belong in an entry level position. Whenever possible, it is important that you interrupt sentences, leave meetings early to "attend to work" and make any attempt necessary to demonstrate that you are in no way intimidated by them.

I got arrested

2005-07-31T21:47:00.000+08:00

So it's 3:00PM and I'm driving home from a long hard day of uni. I notice that the traffic is banked up much more than usual. I'm too tired and worn out to consider a detour, so I decide to ride it out. Several traffic lights later, I notice the telltale flicker of the police lights: A booze bus. Conveniently, I decided to have a pint over a game of pool (and Raiden II) just before leaving.

Consider this fun fact:

During this absorptive phase, the distribution of alcohol throughout the body is not uniform; uniformity of distribution -- called equilibrium -- will not occur until absoprtion is complete.

I was aware of this. The officer was not. When I was kindly asked to blow until I was told to stop, I responded with, "No thankyou."

I stated my case objectively, condescendingly and thoroughly, much to the dismay of queuing motorists. Although I've been abused by disgruntled motorists before, having it happen while my car was completely stationary made it feel somewhat more personal. It took about 5 minutes before I was being handcuffed and driven to a police station; not exactly how I imagined spending the rest of my evening.

After arriving at the police station I was escorted by two lovely gentlemen to an fascinatingly smelly room (even moreso than the paddywagon). I mean really smelly. Really, really smelly. Elephant poo smelly. My handcuffs were removed soon after, (which was just as well given that my shoulders were about to pop). I was kindly asked to fill out some forms while the officers went away to do some things that weren't very well specified.

So there I was, alone in one of those dank rooms with a pen chained to a table and a bunch of really boring forms. At least it had one of those one way mirror things. If I was only my obnoxious self at the time I would have pressed my ass against it. But alas, I wasn't quite in the mood.

I'm not sure how long it took, but it must have been about an hour before another officer came to visit me. He was carrying a nice big shiny breathalyzer with him. Much bigger than the ones that the roadside police carry with a really big LED display. By now I was comfortable to breathe in and be done with it, but as luck would have it, he just kept going on and on about my rights. I kept saying yes, nodding and doing all the things he asked. When the time came, I blew a flat ZERO.

So in conclusion, it was a lot of fun, I probably have my name recorded somewhere and I would recommend the refusal of a breathalyzer test to anyone.

Big Shitter

2005-07-20T22:06:00.000+08:00

The thought of titling this post, "Big Bother" crossed my mind for a moment, I decided the one that I eventually selected was more hard hitting and to the point. Last night, I switched over from the ABC long enough to absorb the tripe that is Sweeping the Nation. I switched just in time to witness a conflict between the fat girl (Vesna) and one of the two guys that look the same (Logan-somebody). The 3 hour telecast delay wasn't enough to stop me from trying to telepathically advise the guy as to how he should construct his rebuttles. It didn't work.

Though I'm reasonably confident that the ~~house~~ in-mates have brains inside their heads (1 per head), the snippet of voyeurism I endured did little to suggest this. The argument that occured was with regard to the fat girl's opinion of the Logan's character. Watching as the Logan detected a flaw in the fat girl's logic but just... don't... know... how... to... put... it... into... words... was intensly excruciating. Several times I noticed that I was holding my breath and clenching my fists in frustration. Although the holding my breath thing is reasonably normal, the clenching of the fists bit is really uncommon.

If you are a luckier man/woman than I, you wil have no idea what I'm talking about. For the rest of you: stop watching, perverts!

It isn't just me

2005-07-18T22:05:00.000+08:00

Whilst watching Parliment Question Time with my girlfriend, Candice, a reference was made to Philip Ruddock. When she asked me what he looked like, the best I could come up with was "like the emperor."The resemblance really is uncanny.

Huggies Pull-Ups

2005-04-04T11:14:00.000+08:00

It just occurred to me recently that Huggies Pull-Ups should really re-consider their packaging. They have a picture of a kid with a pair of Huggies Pull-Ups around their ankles, sitting on the toilet. Now kids that sit on the toilet usually deposit something inside of it. What you are effectively looking at is meant to be a picture of a kid taking a dump/piss. Am I the only one observant enough to notice this? Disgusting.

Stupid

2005-03-30T23:54:00.000+08:00

It occured to me this evening that most people are stupid.

Don't take it personal, I know you can't help it. Just like I can't help being witty or observant. Stupid, as far as I can tell, is something that one is born with. You can learn a trade or a skill, but you can't unlearn Stupid.

Nature didn't want it to get this way. Stupid should have been dead by now. My theory as to why Stupid is so rampant is because stupid people have more children. Stupid children. But that's another topic altogether.

The best quiz ever

2005-01-20T23:18:00.000+08:00

Hello to all my loyal fans.

I recently created what is perhaps the greatest quiz ever. Try your hand at it
here.

Lord of the Rings is stupid

2005-01-03T02:17:00.000+08:00

I finally got around to watching the Lord of the Rings movies. The experience left me with the taste of vomit.

Here is the premise: Little person has to take ring to big fiery mountain and drop it in. If little person does not do so, world will end. Oh.

It takes three (especially long) movies for the little person to walk from his little house to the big mountain. This is mostly due to the fact that the little person has equally little (albeit hairy) feet and the big mountain is very far away. How very interesting. And by the way, the mountain is called Mount Doom. Scaaaaary.

From 0 to 5 stars, I give the Lord of the Rings trilogy a big whopping black hole.

I have a website?

2005-01-02T01:42:00.000+08:00

It would seem to have forgotten my self-imposed obligation to this blog. Fear no more, my loyal fans, for I have returned.

My holidays have been refreshing. Relaxing in the peacefulness of your own (air-conditioned) home is simply bliss. Countdown to the new year? Snore. Company, like most things, is over-rated.

A friend of someone I know just got ADSL. He probably just got his first colour television too. Good to see there are those among us on the bleeding edge of technology.

Late night "shopping"

2004-11-19T09:31:00.000+08:00

I went shopping last night. As per normal, the shopping center (and car park) was packed out. At first it would seem reasonable to suggest that the shopping center needs wider walkways, or a bigger carpark. Upon further inspection, however, it is obvious that neither solution will remedy the real problem: the majority of people overcrowding the centre are not actually doing any shopping. For these teenagers, the shopping center is a "cool place to be", a "hang out" of sorts. I propose a solution to the problem: A late night shopping permit.

Such a permit would be obtained each Thursday and would allow the shopper to access the center. It needn't be especially hard to obtain a permit; simply describe the category of shopping you will be doing, (e.g. groceries, home appliances, entertainment) in either an online form or over the phone and you will be notified later as to whether your application was successful.

Obviously, this system is not foolproof; teenagers will inevitably attempt to overcrowd the shopping centre, (such is the nature of the teenager). This may be addressed by spot-audits in the carpark. Random shoppers (with a bias toward teenagers) will be approached by security guards and asked to present their permit. If the shopper has selected 'groceries' as their shopping category but have not actually purchased any groceries, they will be barred from late night shopping at that center for a predetermined amount of time.

It is unlikely that this solution will cause any public backlash. Teenagers simply do not need to shop on Thursday night. They have 2 hours after school every other day of the week. Let me assure you, it doesn't take that long to buy a CD or DVD.

Mullets

2004-11-14T13:51:00.000+08:00

Something I absolutely cannot stand is the overuse of the term ‘mullet’ in modern times (with reference to certain hairstyles rather than the fish). The use of the word has become an epidemic, which would be fine if there were also an epidemic of mullets, which there isn’t. A mullet hairstyle has a very strict and yet simple definition:

Long at the back and short at the sides

That’s it! Not too difficult to remember, is it? Unfortunately, this earth is plagued by idiots who fail to grasp this simple concept. Everything and anything which rests atop a persons head and isn’t a short trimmed crew-cut, perfected with a set square and spirit level, will, at some stage be foolishly labeled as a mullet by a imbecile with a mouth bigger than their frontal cortex. This problem has become so rampant that I’ve even heard a beanie once called a mullet by a particularly ignorant person who was just begging for a slap across their slack-jawed mouth.

My theory on this misuse of the word mullet stems from its entrance into modern vocabulary at a time well after the hairstyle was fashionably sported. As a consequence, people are desperate to use the term wherever they can, labeling anything and everything a mullet in an effort to sound cool when all they succeed in doing is making themselves look like an asshat.

For future reference, Jason Gillespie has a mullet. Look closely at it. Study it. Print two copies of it on small pieces of paper and glue them to the inside of your sunglasses if you have to. Just make sure you know what a mullet looks like before you ever use that term again, because if I’m ever within earshot of such infuriating blasphemy again, I may very well physically explode.

You caught me at a bad time

2004-11-09T09:50:00.000+08:00

I am becoming increasingly frustrated by people calling 51% of Americans blind/stupid/or worse after they re-elected President ~~Ape~~ Bush. Democratic supporters that claim they "over-estimated the intelligence of the American people" are not doing anybody any favours.

Don't get me wrong, the thought of 4 more years of Bush makes me feel sick. But I have more faith in the American voting public. What I don't have faith in is the means by which their vote was collected.

Consider:

Too many voting ’irregularities’ to be coincidence
Surprising Pattern of Florida's Election Results
Palm Beach County Logs 88,000 More Votes Than Voters
Broward machines count backward

The election

2004-11-04T09:44:00.000+08:00

Heard a joke on ABC radio:

John Kerry walks into a bar after losing the election. The bartender turns to him and says, "Why the long face?"

Here's one I made up:

George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a bar after winning the election. The bartender turns to Dick Cheney and says, "Your chimp will have to wait outside."

Give credit where credit is due

2004-10-29T16:29:00.000+08:00

Back to the Future 2, is going to be aired on Channel 10 soon. Back-to-back with Bad Boys no less. I'm guessing it's because the two films were adjacent on the Channel 10 weekend-movie shelf but that's another story.

What frustrates me is that the advertisement described the film as being a Steven Spielberg Masterpiece. For the longest time, I was conned into believing that Spielberg actually had something to do with the film when in fact he was the producer.

In case you aren't aware:

A producer is responsible for raising funding, hiring key personnel, and arranging for distributors.

In other words, the producer is in no way involved in the creative process. Spielberg may as well have been the caterer. Or is Channel 10 suggesting that Spielberg masterfully raised funds?

Dilbert

2004-10-24T02:11:00.000+08:00

If you've ever read Dilbert, you will have noticed that it is not funny. Ever.

Some people (who aren't me) laugh at Dilbert comic strips. Let me assure you, it is not because they find Dilbert funny; it is because they find Dilbert to be ironic. Irony is not the same thing as humour.

Shattering your teeth after arriving home from the dentist isn't funny, it's just ironic. In this way, Dilbert is like shattering your teeth.

The self-obsessed egotistical ranter

2004-10-13T21:52:00.000+08:00

The self-obsessed egotistical ranter (SOER) is a person who, for one reason or another, believes that divulging into details about how ...

They bought milk from the deli that had already expired and that they had to have a lengthy argument with the clerk just to get a refund and how they're never going to go back there again, no siree bob

... is actually a really good idea.

The SOER infrequently subscribes to popular opinion. This is especially true with regard to controvesial topics. It is very difficult to speak to a SOER; they are rarely interested in anything you might have to say. The SOER is most likely to maintain a blog - that nobody will ever read.

I know what you're thinking and the answer is no. I am not a SOER. (For an example, click NEXT BLOG at the top of the page.)

Dubya on death

2004-10-12T21:50:00.000+08:00

How on earth can someone be both pro-life, and in favour of the death penalty? I mean it just doesn’t make any sense. George W. Bush holds this view, which just goes to show that despite already looking like a sub-human primate, he apparently has the brain of one as well. The only conceivable way someone can hold this view is if they are wilfully ignorant, and by this I don’t just mean that they choose to believe it despite an entire squadron of logic police knocking at the front door, I mean they know and accept the fact that they are being completely idiotic.

It’s well accepted that a significant proportion of convicted murderers are actually innocent, and a large number of babies have a genetic predisposition to become raging psychopathic killers. As far as I can see it, either kill them both, or don’t kill either. Anything else doesn’t make any sense.

Aliens

2004-10-11T13:33:00.000+08:00

Watched the The 4400 last night. Basically it was an uninteresting low-budget sci-fi telemovie in-two-parts. I for one won't be watching the "thrilling conclusion". Yet another case of all hype, no substance. Alien abduction is so mid-ninetees.

I simply cannot fathom how it is that alien abduction still manages to be such a hot topic. Where's the solid, convincing story? Or even better, where's the evidence?

To be totally blunt, I pity the fool who sincerely believes that they were abducted by aliens. Really, if aliens were so interested in our civilization then why would they pick on loners, losers, the unemployed and the boring? What a horrible cross-section of society to have as ambassadors to outer space.

To be honest, I don't know what's sadder; the morons that cook up this abduction tripe, or the morons that hang on their every word.

University idiocy

2004-10-09T15:23:00.000+08:00

Why is it that people who devote themselves to a highly specialised career feel the need to convince themselves that people actually care about the knowledge they’ve acquired? I mean, there are these people who give me lectures at university. Some call them ‘professors’. I call them ‘idiots’.

Anyway, these idiots spend a majority of their time assessing our understanding of the purulent garbage they force feed us, which in the most part, has absolutely no importance in the real world. It’s a well-known fact that only 10% of units offered at university have any influence on likelihood of employment. This farce is just a way for them to maintain their deluded beliefs that despite what friends and family think, they in fact haven’t wasted their lives, but that the greater community actually respects their years of devotion to some crappy field of study. I won’t say what course I’m doing at university, in case the idiots read this and give me a score that approximates their IQ.

Stephen Hawking

2004-10-06T23:07:00.000+08:00

Why does everyone make such a big deal about Stephen Hawking? I mean, if I were able to sit around all day in a chair with nothing to do but think, then I’d be able to come up with all sorts of scientific theories too. When you look at what he’s done, you can see he hasn’t come up with a single practical idea. If you’re so smart, Steve, then why don’t you at least invent yourself a new voice? My copy of ‘Best Speech Read-Out’ from 1993 sounds better than you.

Phobia

2004-10-05T23:46:00.000+08:00

I was just thinking the other day how the word Phobia exists pretty much so that people don't have to say "enormously and irrationally afraid of" when referring to things like beatles and open spaces. Consider the following scenario:

Person #1: My isn't it a swell day. Let's both go outside and kick a ball or do something of that fashion.
Person #2: Um, no thankyou.
Person #1: Why?
Person #2: I have agoraphobia, I'd rather not.
Person #1: I see. I fully respect you and your condition.

Now consider:

Person #1: My isn't it a swell day. Let's both go outside and kick a ball or do something of that fashion.
Person #2: Um, no thankyou.
Person #1: Why?
Person #2: I'm enormously and irrationally afraid of open spaces. I'd rather not.
Person #1: You are different and strange and I would prefer it if you would leave. Now.

Perhaps if people faced their fears, rather than hid them in big confusing words like Anthropophobia they would be more inclined to act on them. It is irrational and just plain weird to be scared of bugs, confined spaces, open spaces, heights etc. People with such fears should not feel normal; they should seek help. Always.

Hello cruel world

2004-10-03T01:48:00.000+08:00

Hello Internet. I'm Gordon. This blog is all about me, the people I encounter, the things I do, and the things that irritate me.

If you know me personally, you might learn something new about me here. If you don't, then you just might find me interesting. Either way, stick around and enjoy.